you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
