that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
