Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize