oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
