I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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