I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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