Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
