Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
