i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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