if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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