it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
