i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
