I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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