I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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