if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
