I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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