You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
