Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
