Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
