how do flat chested girls get laid?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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