I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
