Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
