Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
