my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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