I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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