i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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