is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
