you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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