I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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