I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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