she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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