Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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