There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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