dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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