So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
