I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize