this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
