I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize