ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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