She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
