Cold hands, warm shart.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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