if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
