You really coming over, don't trick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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