maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
