its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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