I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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