Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
