Cold hands, warm shart.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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