nut hugger
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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