If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
