Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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