How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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