I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
