SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
