if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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