What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
