Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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