I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
