My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
