went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
