that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
