I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
