just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
