do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize