did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
