The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
