FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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