I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
