Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
