Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
