Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
